I told the story yesterday of how someone peed on my car minutes before I walked into a church service. If you need to, read that sentence again. It went like this:
There was a special worship service being held at a local church, and I (along with my then significant other) had decided to go. I knew the music would be good, the sermon would be short and sweet, the vibe would be pumping, I’d see people I knew and it would be a great time all round.
As the day went, we ran a little behind and so arrived a little late at the service. We were wrapping up a conversation still sitting in the car when a white Corsa bakkie pulled up next to us on the passenger side (where I was seated). A man got out of the driver’s seat, and his wife got out the other side. While his wife was busy wrestling their toddler out of the back seat and gathering the myriad of baby accessories, the Mr decided it was a good time to relieve himself.
Checking that his wife was sufficiently preoccupied he sidled up to our car (unfortunately not noticing that we were still inside unaware of what was about to transpire), merrily unzipped his fly and begun peeing against our car tire. I can’t quite explain the feelings of dismay and shock and disbelief and amusement that overtook me. When we regained consciousness it didn’t take long for us to bang aggressively against the window to alert him of our predicament.
Men, it is possible for flies to be zipped in about 0.00000003 seconds. Ladies, if your man is a free spirit, please ensure his pants are sewn shut when he is going to be in public.
As mortifying as the whole experience was (I’m not sure whether it was worse for us or for him), it made me consider again how important it is to be real. Too often we take pretense in our stride when in fact we’d be way better off with a bit of uphill climb being genuine. I can almost be certain that outside a church was not the only place this man fancied taking a wizz. I’m certainly not giving him any points for decency or decorum, but I do salute his consistency of behaviour if my hypothesis is correct.
Moral of the peeing-on-my-car-at-church story? Be real.
(I’m not saying go pee on things. Please, control yourselves.)